Burnt-out

Today was a test for my nerves. Optimism and a positive outlook can get you places but at a certain point circumstances start to wear on you and you can begin to sputter out. That describes me perfectly today. This was not an unusual day. I woke up with the mindset to overcome just like I do everyday but by mid afternoon my nerves were shot.

June 10th was the start of my “sound diet” that lasted until June 16th. That was six days with no auditory stimulation. When my audiologist turned my cochlear implant processor back on that day I could only tolerate low levels. It’s like small steps forward with my brain adjusting to the sound levels. I’ve always had that “Can do” mindset but I feel all tuckered out. I’ve been adjusting to this new map (programming) for four days now. Life doesn’t stop but you push through. There’s been a funeral, wedding, Fathers Day celebration, church, dinners, grocery shopping, a walk with a friend, discussions etc. all while background noises are drowning out voices and I don’t hear how loud I’m talking. Yesterday I actually asked my husband if my face looked tired because I try to smile through it all. My facial muscles actually felt tired. Today I was just done. Having low vision makes lip reading a challenge and the current programming makes it difficult for me to comprehend. I finally just took it off today. Sometimes you have to listen to your body and let it unwind. I have seven days until my next appointment for another mapping / programming. God willing the next adjustment will be a God-send, with just the right adjustments that will lighten this load. I rarely complain. Complaining gets you no where in life. Prayer, praise and thanksgiving are the ways to victory. One prayer at a time.. one heartfelt song of praise at a time..stepping forward step by step, God leads the way. Took a good rest today but forward on I go.

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