To write or not to write….. no that isn’t the hardest question. I’ll certainly have to clear this with someone before publishing it (and I certainly will). (He said it was fine to publish it.)
#Iykyk…. Yep that’s the truth and half the time, no I take that back, the majority of the time people don’t know. (For my older reader, and I know there are a few. IYKYK means if you know you know).
This afternoon was the time for a deep discussion and sharing. The majority I won’t repeat and this little bit that I do share I will make sure he is ok with sharing. People can learn from these things. It was after church and our 27 year old son was annoyed due to his hearing and vision issues and not being able to understand. I totally understand. I remember years ago, a bit younger than him, being quite annoyed during church to the point that I got up and walked out crying. That was before I had learned sign language. So many similarities between us and it does truly hurt my heart to see him endure these things.
So at the end of a lengthy much needed talk today he asked me the hardest question he could ask, saying I was the only one who really understood. He asked, “If you knew you could pass along your hearing and vision problems would you have still had me?” I honestly responded, “Well, I did ask my doctor if I could pass along my limitations and he said no. But honestly, you are my greatest joy.”. He then gave me a big hug. No one and I mean absolutely no one besides God will ever understand our situation and frustrations we endure.
Yesterday my mom picked me and Joshua and his puppy Moose up. We went to Brixx to sit outside for pizza then went to mom’s so Joshua could help in her yard. Moose is a little magnet for attention being the cute puppy he is. Joshua took Moose for a little walk while we waited for the bill. A few people approached him and asked about Moose. He of course didn’t hear it all and it bothered him. He related a situation that happened at the gym when someone he knew walked by and was talking to him but he didn’t hear them nor recognize them and he felt bad. I told him today you need to say, “Look I’m hearing and visually impaired. I’m not ignoring you I just didn’t hear or see you.” I totally get it. It took me years to be able to say that. You just don’t want people to see weakness. As I talked and encouraged him today I asked him, “How do you think I live with all this with Joy and peace? It’s not in my own strength! I’ve gotten to a point where I honestly say, “Lord I can’t do this but with Your help I can.” You need to get to that point.”. I shared with him the scripture in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, “Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” (NLT) The bold is what I emphasized to him. It’s not what we can do as a person but what God can do through us when we surrender what we want and let Him do what’s His perfect Will.
I will tell you as a mom these are the most precious conversations because God has given us such a bond that no one else understands. It’s hard to find really genuine people who stick by your side. People disappoint you but God is always there. Joshua said , “If He’s there.” I said, “ Watch me as I breathe. You see my lungs rise as they fill with air then recede?” He said , “yes”. I said,”You can’t see the air, but you can see my lungs fill with it. It’s the same with God. He is there. You can’t see Him but He fills us when we let Him.” He said,” Good analogy.”
I don’t understand God but His ways are not our ways as He is so much higher than we are. All I know is to pray and trust God through every single mountain and valley. It’s hard. People don’t understand. We can’t hold that against them. It’s hard to understand something you’ve never experienced. We have to let go and let God. There is no other way. Nothing in this world will ever satisfy our souls like knowing Jesus and walking with Him. As we sang at the end of church today, Oh it reaches to the highest mountain, and it flows to the lowest valley. The blood that gives me strength from day to day. It will never lose its power.
Sometimes these deep testimonies are needed. So many people deal with so many things and people never know. It’s my hope and prayer that in being transparent you will know you aren’t alone. You never know what someone is dealing with. The deep frustration and annoyance, so always have a kind smile and kind world. It can can make a difference.
When I asked Joshua’s permission to share a small fraction of our conversation he was okay with it. I told him a lot of people go through hard things and say nothing. When people share these life lessons, they realize they aren’t alone. It’s my prayer this encourages someone and reminds you to pray for those around you. You never know what people are dealing with. Be Blessed and better yet, be a Blessing!
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