I am forever trying to figure out the fine-line of pushing. How about you? I can push myself too hard on the day to day basis and am always trying to find the right balance. When push comes to shove, it’s too far and the end result is exhaustion. (More mentally than physically). I went over and beyond this week and I was literally about to fall over last night when I got home from serving. I wanted to go right to bed and it was not even dark outside. I made myself wait until 10 then went to sleep and slept 11 hours. Feeling much better today. Once again I’m on a quest to get it done around the house.
Living with hearing and visual limitations, it takes more brain energy to deal with the normal things like conversing with people for a length of time, both spoken and sign language. (They are equally tiring but I love my people and push myself anyway) The same thing can be said about pushing past limitations. On Tuesday I overdid the zoom meetings attempt. I mean honestly, I was literally trying in vain to understand a live zoom. Someone was texting me some pointers of what they were basically talking about. I was using my iPad for the zoom meeting itself and texts coming in on the same device. I grabbed the iPhone which is synced to the iPad to answer the texts. Here’s the catcher, I can’t see the iPhone unless it’s under my video magnifier. Lord have mercy….. but I tried to keep a straight face and not show frustration. I’ve got to find the right balance in this. Life can stretch me so much at times, I wonder what it’s like for normal people. But hey….. I know normal is overrated.
Finding balance in the new business venture is something I’m going to have to do. I realize I can’t do it all so I’m going to need to learn to say no to some things. The phototherapy stem call technology is such an effective and fascinating product to learn and promote. I’m realizing I’ve got so much more of Life on my plate than others can even begin to understand, and knowing that, I’ve got to figure out a balanced approach.
Yesterday was ministry day when I help feed the homeless in Rock Hill. Since we have moved to an indoor facility we can now do a short devotion with the people before they eat. Pastor Daryl asked me to share with the people last night and that was such a privilege to share God’s Word with them. Nerve-wracking as well. While a women a couple of weeks ago told me it’s not hard, I personally feel a weight of responsibility that I don’t take lightly. Two days ago, God dropped some verses in my heart before Daryl even texted me. I knew in my heart what to share, but I still had to stand up there and do it. I wanted to mentally and spiritually prep myself right before standing in front of the people but I was busy in the kitchen washing the pots, pans and bowls we used during food prep. This is an industrial sized kitchen. God worked it all out though. I realize it’s Him working through me, and not me myself. I think it went pretty well. I’m going to ask someone for feedback later, who was out there with me, as they have asked me to do it again next week.
Looking back and at the present, I do see all this stretching might be leading up to something. What? I do not know. Over a year ago I was leading Bible study in our deaf group, when I couldn’t see the book. I sat down at my video magnifier that I use for reading a book and took detailed notes on my iPad using symbols to help me remember, memorizing great portions of it to be able to best teach. It took a lot out of me, but it was worth it to see growth. Next I began to weekly volunteer with RiceNBeans ministry. I can’t hear the people well but I didn’t let that stop me from serving. Now here I am still involved in that, in a new location helping with devotions. Also presently learning the Patching business and possibly pushing myself a bit too much in that area. It seems to all lead to something, which I’m not yet sure what that something is.
I believe my audiologist would be shocked at how much I’m putting myself out there to force myself to understand as much as possible. If I could give advice to myself, I’d say “Pray for a more balanced approach”. I can and do overdo it. I know when I’m so tired I want to go to sleep at 7:30 then I’ve pushed a bit too far. I guess my “Kenley stubbornness” comes into play quite a bit. Lord help me find that fine-line and stop there. I know other deaf people (just deaf, no vision issues) who only interact with deaf people. I’m not one of those. I love all people; hearing, deaf, disabled, foreign, black, white, type A personality, type B, outgoing, not so much, etc People are God’s workmanship and are there to love and encourage. That’s just who I am. I am so so thankful to have time with God daily to soak up strength and direction for the day. It’s my Lifeline. Do you know Jesus? He can be your Lifeline too.
I better get back to work. This is my second cleaning day. Got half of it done two days ago and finishing up today. Have a blessed day.
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