I have been doing a little devotion on this topic. I enjoy reading different devotionals along with my online Bible. (I have many physical Bibles in different translations but can no longer see well enough to read them.) It’s interesting to see peoples views on the Bible, but of course the only one that matters is how the Holy Spirit guides me in scriptures and helps me apply it to my life.
As a person living with vision and hearing disabilities, I’ve always been drawn to the miracles Jesus performed in the Bible. (He still performs them today as well.). While I have experienced healing within my heart in dealing with my limitations, I have not “yet” experienced physical healing, although I have been prayed over for years. I can just assume it’s not God’s perfect time just yet. I have learned to surrender my desires and pray like Jesus, “not my will but yours be done.” I like how the Gospel of Mark shares this verse, although it is in orther Gospels in the Bible as well. Mark 14:36 says, “And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”” (NKJV) I know this to be true and so I cling to it. I don’t understand the suffering in this world, but I know God is completely sovereign and is able to do anything He wishes. I trust He sees the big picture and is taking care of me, placing me where He desires for His kingdom work.
I came across the following verse this morning. “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.”Galatians 5:1 (NKJV) Every day, I must submit to God. I must seek Jesus in everything I do. It must be way way more than seeking a miracle. It must always be about seeking His presence and guidance.
Can I be completely transparent here? A few weeks ago a street evangelist I met years ago sent me his YouTube channel. Joel is a humble amazing Bible teacher. He was healed from stage 4 cancer and sees many many miracles. I messaged him and asked him if he would minister to a friend who has cancer. He said he would but asked me to share a video of him teaching on the topic. (Preparation for the conversation) I watched the video myself, reading the transcript (zoomed large so I could see it) since I can’t hear well. It is am amazing insightful Bible teaching. I will ask if I can share it. There were three things we need to examine our hearts for. Do we have any un-forgiveness? Do we have any bitterness? Do we have any envy? These are things that can hinder receiving healing and we must confess them to the Lord. I thought to myself, I do not harbor any un-forgiveness as I am a very merciful person. I also don’t have any bitterness that I am aware of. But envy….Lord I have envy and it troubles me. Before you judge, let me explain. I have a servants heart and I’d love to be able to just get in the car and bless someone, but I can’t see well enough to drive. Every place I go in life must be first filtered through someone else’s willingness to take me. That is something I “had” to come to terms with a long long time ago. Just because I want to do something does not mean someone else will be willing to take me and pick me up and even help me understand while I’m serving It’s a real struggle and I realize as I think of this that perhaps I envy those who can just make decisions and do them without someone having to help. I’d love to be able to work. Yes you read that right. The vast majority of jobs require ability to hear and see. The combination of my disabilities is very hindering. (Not to mention it requires getting there and home.) As I reflected on this video, ever since watching, it honestly sadden me. I have prayed, “Lord I am human. Yes I envy others ability to have independence, be able to comprehend speech well and be able to see. 20/400 vision with hearing difficulties is no joke. It’s tough. And of course there are those who notice, “You’re not hearing well today”. Yes, unfortunately but what can I do about it? My mantle in this life is to lean on Jesus and seek His presence to enable me to function for His glory. You might wonder the definition of mantle. Mantle means, accepting a significant calling, profound responsibility, or specific life mission. (Google definition) This mantle truly requires me to lean heavily on the Holy Spirit, otherwise I’d be long gone by now. So you see, for me it goes way beyond seeking a miracle, but actually living in the miracle worker’s (Jesus) presence.
Do I still desire healing? Oh yes! (And I pray for many people who also need healing.) I’m trusting God with His best. He has us where we are for a reason. He doesn’t waste any opportunities to be glorified. “Here I am Lord” use me, my story, my limitations, the fact that You work so powerfully in our weaknesses. Be glorified today Lord”
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