This blog may take a bit of time to put together. A friend and his wife who are missionaries in Italy, actually sent me the above picture recently and it resonated with me deeply. I decided to follow “Salt & Light” because inspiring messages are always welcome.
I am not one to complain or showcase my struggles but there comes a time when sharing, although uncomfortable, most likely encourages others also in the “trenches” of life. In all honestly, in my 57 years of life, there has always been some struggle. God has always enabled me to bounce back. If you have ever read my memoir Rooted by the Water many of the chapters begin with the metaphor of water stirring, churning, waves forming then the BIG one. It seems God allows the build up of life issues, as not to totally overwhelm. I told my husband Ron recently, I feel like one of those punching toys, where you hit it, it rears back then bounces back up. I told him I feel like those punches come from all sides in life. So when my friend Jack sent me the above I totally got it. I’m often like Elijah saying “Lord, I’ve had enough! I’m done!” But it keeps coming.
Let’s see if I can briefly summarize the “trenches”: communication lapse with just about everyone…. I don’t hear it all and I dont’ see it all either. Whether I’m with hearing people or deaf people I miss something. Hearing people expect me to “get it”… well I don’t always and it’s not my fault. Deaf friends will repeat and help and I so appreciate that. Then there is the vision limitation…. Oh my goodness. “Lord why in the world do I have to deal with this?” I have not been to the eye doctor in years. At last check my vision was 20/400 (what I see at 20 feet, if you have good vision, you can see it from 400 feet. Let that sink in). There is the church issue. I miss my church. We stopped going so my husband could take our son to work. He has to be at work at the exact same time of the interpreted service. Other churches we visit don’t have sign language interpreters. Sometimes notes are sent and sometimes not. There are things with friends too: friends come and friends go, people go through different seasons in life and you feel left behind. It’s no ones fault, it’s just life.
This past Spring I began to try marketing my memoir again. A professor came across my book when looking for books on resilience. He really liked it and reached out, wondering why I have a good rating but not many reviews. I told the Lord, “You enabled me to write this story, the journey you have me on, but I have no clue on the visibility end or the marketing end. You created me to encourage and inspire for a reason. It’s not meant to sit buried online.” So, I hired a “Book Strategist”. I throughly checked the references she gave and everyone spoke highly of her. She seems very knowledgeable and kind, but we’ve hit a “hiccup”. I purchased Tier 3 which would greatly help with visibility. She is now insisting I need a professionally designed website (by her team) in order to fulfill what I pad for. This is not part of our agreement. My son Joshua created a wonderful website with all the features she said my first one lacked. We now need to add my social media links and it should be pretty much finished. She says it’s not enough for a long term career. This is not a career, but more a ministry. She and others think I will write more books. While I would love that and I’m full of ideas, alas… my vision is a real issue.
Now here comes the technology issue. Two days ago I was sent a some forms to fill out. I wanted to do it digitally because it looks more professional. I spent more than four hours trying to fill out these simple forms. More than FOUR HOURS to no avail! It would not work for some reason. The font went back and forth between small and large. The large font wouldn’t fit the line due to being cut off every single time. . It was the most absurd experience. Even Ron tried and it didn’t work for him either. He finally said, just give up. I said, “If I gave up in life I would not be standing here right now.” I finally caved, printed and filled the forms out by hand. My handwriting is not pretty. I have to use a video magnifier to be able to see what I’m writing. I carefully filled it out and Ron took it to get it uploaded for me to send off as an attachment. Guess what? The attachment wouldn’t come through! Seriously?!?! Ron caught me talking to myself and he asked, “What did youn say?” I replied, “I said I can’t do this.” And wow, I never say that! Ron went back to ask what the issue might be and he tried again. It still wouldn’t come through. They finally sent it to our son and he sent it off for me.
It seems like life is a joke at times. The struggle comes from every single side. I’m like “Hello God, I could really use some help down here”. Everyone wants something. Unsolicited advertisements come in all the time and I’m learning to trust no one. I’m the kind of person that aims to be kind and appreciative to all, but there is a fine line when it’s too much. I respond to many of the emails and many comment on how kind and pleasant I am. I try to reflect Jesus. “But Lord, I’m not meant for all these marketing pitches.”
Three days ago I was looking through Bible devotions on the Bible App. There are many plans to choose from on many topics. I found one of “EquipHer’ It talks about the “trenches” in life and how God does not waste these times. Yesterday’s lesson talked about when the trials are a long season. One of the quotes is : Faith is the glue that holds your journey together, even when everything feels fragmented. – Christa Crawford. Faith does not cancel difficulty or deny your exhaustion, it gives you strength and courage to walk through it. (Bible App reading plan. EquipHer Devotional series Volume 27, Day 3)
This devotion has been a breath of fresh air for a weary soul. Yes, I was already aware of these truths, but reminders are so helpful. Even the people closest to me don’t realize the struggles, I don’t complain. Ron is probably the only one that sees it. (Most of it) But God sees it all! He knows and he equips. This season is some sort of training for what lies ahead. All I can do is “be still and know He is God”, take some deep breaths, dig my heels in and steady myself with the deep roots of faith that have gone deep over many years of struggle. God’s got this!
Today I’m heading out for a refreshing time with good friends. Lunch, time by the pool and laughter is just what I need. Thankful for this “break” in life. If you too are struggling and can’t seem to catch a break, know that God doesn’t waste these “life trenches” He is training you because He knows you will rise up to declare His glory. Hang in there. I’m hanging with you!!🙏🤟🏼
Www.shannonkenleyhinson.com
rootedbythewater.blog 